"Die-nasty"

Almost forgot today’s column. If it wasn’t because I had my daily newspaper in hand and was headed to take a dump, I wouldn’t even have thought of philly.
So after the first day of ST games, The Mets sat every starter because of the weather and beat “duh” braves 4-2. The philthies play today against some hole-in-the-wall college team before getting slapped around again by the yankmees. I noticed something strange. The Philthies don’t play The Mets at all during ST. I can smell the fear emitting from philthie (or maybe that’s just the way it stinks all the time) when it comes to The Mets. Here is something for you to chew on: The Mets WILL be the team to lead in the N.L. East. THE METS WILL OWN YOU AND THE DIVISION THIS YEAR. All the blubbering about the philthies pitching (none) and the hitting (none) and the bullpen (ZERO) will be just talk on paper as The Mets dominate this year. No more giving you the division because of The Mets collapsing or injuries. The only way for the philthies to win is to actually win it on your own and that’s NEVER going to happen. The so-called “dynasty” that was talked about when it came to philly will “die nasty’ and everyone will forget it was ever mentioned very quickly. Any article that mentions it will line the bottom of bird cages across America. Philthie will go back to doing what it does best: watch the phils lose, and lose, and lose…on its way to the next 10,000 loses. I hope you enjoyed your short run at fame. Now you’ll have to find another reason to riot. Hey, I know, you can make it a national holiday. We can call it “National Club a philly Fan” Day. Everyone across the country can hit anyone wearing a philly hat with a bat, a chair, a beer bottle or burn their car. (Marshmallows optional). If it were up to me, it would be everyday.
On a serious note: From the earthquake in Haiti to the earthquake in Chile that apparently has shifted the Earths’ axis, the world seems to be mad at us. We continue to exploit, abuse, litter and basically mistreat this planet we live on. I mess with Philly fans for the sake of this column and don’t wish ANYTHING bad on anyone. Yes, even you Philly fans. We need to take better care of ourselves and this planet. Right now, we don’t have any other place to go. The days of space travel “Star Trek” style is too far in the future for any of us to ever see it. Help those that need your help now. Pay it forward. You NEVER know when you may need their help yourself.
Oh…and philly sucks…