Be Like Mets

So I took my dog for a walk and as he’s taking a dump, I started thinking philly. And I started thinking how much you want to be like the Mets. I gotta admit, the Mets with their signing of “veteran” players (meaning old farts) has gone a little too far at times. But at the same time, these “veterans” are only signed to minor league contracts. So basically, they are called up when the water boy goes down with an injury. And many times other teams sign them for the same reason and assign them to their “no one will remember you” league. But then here come the philthies and lo and behold, sign Jose Contreras. Contreras is 39 going on 53 (since most birth certificates from refugee players are falsified). And he was signed to fill a bullpen spot. Meaning: you got bullpen trouble already. Now you sign Freddy Guzman, 28 going on 41. Guzman, the lifetime .211 BA, .255 OBP who gets caught stealing better than 50% of the time “speedster.” What was that old catch phrase? “Be Like Mike?” Now the philthies want to “Be Like Mets.” Comedy that writes itself.
I was walking along “Carter Batting Practice” mini-park and showed a few phiily fans video of Jose Reyes running at full sprint. You could hear the gas churning in their guts. Everyone who saw the video excused themselves and ran to the nearest bathroom (outhouse) and you could hear the explosions a mile away followed by loud sobs. When they exited (and the haz-mat people cleared the area) I asked were they crying from abdominal pain. They couldn’t even speak and just started crying again while pointing to the video I had shown them. I reassured them that is was OK and that Beltran was out. They beamed a big smile until I said “but not for long.” Another trip to the bathroom (outhouse). Here’s another scary thought: Nelson Figuroa, who has a VERY good shot as the 5th starter just pitched a 1-run, 8 K complete game. Like I said, he’s just the number 5 starter. And it’s 2 weeks away for pitchers and catchers. (I heard a collective gas explosion for philly.)
To be honest, I wish you and your team the best of luck. (yeah right). Here’s to our rivalry and here’s to us knocking you around like we own you, again. And here’s to your trading away Lee. Hope it bites ya on the ass. I know you fans didn’t like it but we sure did. Well, the dog finished and is now taking a pee. Time for my Yankmee blog.