Today is the day that pitchers and catchers report for the first day of spring training. The birds are singing, the sun is shining and I gotta take a dump. It’s time to think about philthie again. Where to start. So much to choose from.
Lidge is hoping not to suck this year. After having 2 decent seasons in 8 years, makes you wonder when the next decent season (if ever) will happen again. Howard should have a good year. Maybe he’ll hit that 200 K mark that you should expect from him. Expect Rollins numbers to remain about the same this year: sucky. Halladay wasn’t a bad deal but this is the N.L., where “we” (the teams that haven’t lost 10,000 games) have real power hitters. Expect his ERA to jump a run and easily suffer the worst amount of loses in his career. I like Utley. Too bad he’ll never see another WS again with this team. Does Moyer start collecting his Social Security check this year? Baez should work out real well, after the All-Star break after he has cost you a dozen games. Have you looked real close to his 1st half stats? No one else worth mentioning…well the whole team isn’t worth mentioning but I have a job to do. (I love this job).
So as the teams get ready to warm up for the upcoming season and you start hearing the crack of a bat, no it’s not another philly riot. Baseball bats are for hitting baseballs not each other in the head. Now I know where The Simpsons got the idea for Itchy and Scratchy: watching philthie newscasts. And I see education in philly now has a new study course. It’s called the Flash Mob and the course is offered at the Gallery Mall at Center City. 150 kids run rampant in the mall for no reason. They destroy the mall then head towards city hall to pick up their diploma. As a celebration, they start beating the snot out of each other. As yes, philly education at its finest. Next years course will be on fire starting.
I don’t mean to rag on you guys all the…ah hell, yes I do. It makes my day (and my bowel movement) so much easier. So until next time kiddies. And remember: only YOU can be dumb enough to set your own car on fire in celebrating a sports team victory.
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