Encore

So I’m taking a crap and I’m thinking about philly. This time I was thinking instead of just making fun of the armpit of America (philly) I would write something nice….seriously…when I can stop laughing, I’ll start.

I was thinking about all the great athletes that have played for philly teams. In basketball, Dr J. (from New York). In football, Art Monk (from New York). In baseball, well…no one from New York wants to be remembered having played for philly. In hockey…what the hell is hockey anyway? A bunch of white guys on ice chasing each other with sticks? This had to have originated in the south, only some dumb hillbilly could come up with something like that…or a philthiedelphian.

I was reading where of the 23 worst teams ever in baseball history, philly has 9. (You have to use both hands to count all that, philly). Add the Pirates and you have almost half of the worst teams ever from Pencilvania (I meant to spell it that way so you could read it easily).

In recent sports news, how did the Eagles do? Oh, yeah, lost to the Cowboys. Even the 76ers have a worse record than the Knicks. A worse record than the Knicks?! Talk about pathetic. The Flyers…no one really cares anyway. Besides, I’m a Devils fan, who happen to be in first place, and since I know nothing about hockey, yes I’m a frontrunner. Which I’m sure most phils fans are.

So back to baseball. I’ve just figured out what scares the philthies the most: a healthy New York Mets team. The thought of it gives you nightmares at night. You break out in a cold sweat. You get out your voodoo dolls (you love playing with dolls) and work your black magic on whoever seems to be playing well on The New York Mets so you can have another chance at the division. And if that doesn’t work, then you’ll just riot and burn cars as you cry out to the baseball gods. And they do hear you…every 10,000 loses or so.

Confucius once said, “Have no friends not equal to yourself”. He must have talking about philly fans.

I’d like to thank Mike (tha fiz) for having me here. He is a regular troll on our board. Once in a while you have to let the lesser life forms in to try and help them find their way. But he is a phiily fan, so there is no hope for him in this lifetime. Maybe when he comes back in his next life he gets it right.

On a more serious note: I would like to express my sympathies to anyone who lost friends or loved ones in the Haiti earthquakes. This moment isn’t about who should or should not get help, this is about helping fellow human beings who have lost everything and lost their families. Children have lost parents and relatives. Mothers have lost their children. I’ve seen where everything they have left fits into a plastic shopping bag. They don’t want much. Sometimes a kind word and a hug goes a long way.

But I still hate the phils.

Ultimate Lou